Terry and I do not have a church that we attend regularly yet, so my mom introduced us to the chaplain from her police department, "Father Frank," who agreed to meet with us on Christmas Eve. Sidenote: While Terry and his family are Catholic, my family is not, so we will have a nondenominational Christian service. And while our officiant is called "Father Frank" by those close to him, he is actually a Presbyterian pastor.
Terry and I met Father Frank at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, a gorgeous church right in downtown Menlo Park. If we hadn't already decided on our venue, I would have looked into having our wedding here! But we were all business at this point, so Frank ushered us into his office. We were immediately impressed by the seemingly infinite amount of books in the towering bookshelves, and we felt right at home in Frank's cozy office. We all chatted about parents, Los Angeles, our engagement, our ideas for the ceremony. Frank walked us through a traditional ceremony and gave us some things to think about as far as making our nuptials unique and memorable. We loved his vision for our wedding, and before the hour was up we had a clearer idea of how the ceremony will run.
We loved Frank's personable demeanor; we feel he will listen to our requests, make the ceremony both spiritual and engaging for our guests, and guide us through the process with ease. We look forward to getting to know him more throughout the next year and a half; we plan to meet with him each time we venture up north so that we will all know each other well by the time the ceremony comes around.
Frank does not require any premarital counseling, but in an effort to get to know us better, he had us answer some thought-provoking questions about ourselves and our relationship. Any couples out there getting close to the marriage thing should definitely take a look and consider answering! We answered separately first and then discussed our answers together. It helps to define some areas of a relationship that are often overlooked in the excitement of "wedding planning" and help prepare you instead for an actual marriage. Check it out!
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married
General:
- What are your positive and negative traits?
- What was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you?
- (For Christian couples) How do you define what a Christian is? What role do you expect your faith to have in your marriage?
- How has God guided your decision to marry your intended?
- What are your father's positive and negative traits? Your mother's?
- In what ways would you like to be more like your father? Your mother?
- In what ways would you like to be different from your father? Your mother?
- How would you describe your parents' relationship?
- What aspects of your parents' marriage would you want to duplicate in yours? Which aspects would you not want to duplicate?
- What do you mean when you say you love someone?
- Why are you marrying your intended? List three reasons in order of importance.
- What do you like about your fiance? What are his/her strengths?
- What do you dislike about your fiance? What are his/her weaknesses?
- What is the biggest problem area in your relationship?
- How do you resolve conflicts?
- What is communication?
- What practical ways does your fiance tell you he/she loves you?
- What do you expect from marriage?
- What do you expect to give in marriage?
- Describe what you believe should be the husband's role in marriage.
- Describe what you believe should be the wife's role in marriage.
- What is your view of children in marriage?
- What is your view of in-law relationships?
- What steps are you taking to make this a lifetime commitment?
- What steps will you take after the wedding to ensure growth in your relationship?
- Do you enter this marriage in debt?
- Have you discussed finances with each other?
- Is one person taking primary responsibility for the finances?
Have fun!
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